After a last day of swimming and tennis at the sports club we were going to, I took my kids to an open house in San Francisco. My wife was on a mom’s trip to Napa and I wanted to introduce our kids to real estate, my favorite asset class. Maybe one day they will take professional interest in it.
The Open House visit did not live up to my expectations. It was a jarring real estate experience, but I’m grateful for it, because it was a great lesson to teach my children about how to treat people.
We came across this five-bedroom, four-bathroom home in the southwest part of San Francisco, listed for $3,995,000. It was 3:53 p.m., seven minutes before the posted open house closing time. My kids, tired from the day’s activity, quietly sat down on the living room sofa to take it in.
Almost immediately, the real estate agent, who we’ll call Nancy (not the main listing agent), told them not to sit there. I was surprised, because no agent had ever told me not to sit on the furniture before. I’ve sold two houses, one with furniture, and it’s no big deal. I want potential buyers to internalize things, including relaxing on the couch and imagining what it would be like.
So I asked the children to stand up. Children can be energetic. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but wasn’t pleased.
Then, she looked at us and said: “Shu Shu, I’m closing my voice and don’t want you to delay me.”
WTF?
I don’t know what Nancy saw when we went in. I know people like us aren’t always welcome in places like this. Maybe we looked too poor to go to a house like this, since we arrived in an 11-year-old car and dressed in athletic clothes after tennis. But I do know that I and my children deserved basic respect, and we didn’t get it.
What an arrogant real estate agent.
Shoo Shoo.
Over the last 26 years I have been to more open houses than I can care to imagine. I have never heard a real estate agent in any market, in any neighborhood, talk to a prospective buyer like this.
The standard, the absolute baseline of the profession, is to make visitors feel welcome. You say take your time and look around. You offer a card, a smile, a question to see what they’re looking for. This is the work. At the very least, you let people stay until the posted closing time without treating them as if they’re a nuisance.
Instead, we were driven away. Like pigeons. Like unwanted pests. Wonderful.
I think that’s what’s happening here.
It’s easy to become lazy and dismissive when the real estate market is strong
San Francisco’s real estate market is strong right now because of the AI boom. Inventory is tight, demand is high, and sellers are often offering multiple offers. In that environment, a certain type of listing agent begins to behave less like a service professional and more like a concierge.
They forget, or perhaps never really understood, that their job is to sell homes. To do this, you need buyers. And to attract buyers, you have to make them feel good about the property and the experience of moving through it. You can’t achieve this by making a father and his children feel that they have gone to the wrong place.
This kind of attitude is not only unpleasant. This is bad business. This is failure at the most basic level of functioning.
A listing agent, right or wrong, is an extension of the seller. Buy wrong, and not only does the listing agent look bad, but the seller looks bad too. And perhaps by extension, the entire neighborhood.
Sellers are paying too much in commissions
Let me explain here clearly what “bad business” means. This home is listed at $3,995,000. At a standard commission of 2-2.5% for the listing agent, the fee for that transaction ranges from $79,900 to $99,875. For that kind of money, the seller deserves an agent who is doing everything in his or her power to make every single visitor fall in love with the home.
No one else was at the open house I attended. In a market that is considered strong, a nearly four million dollar home was vacant at 3:53 a.m. over the weekend, and one family who showed up was asked to leave.
This is not a strong market problem. This is a representation problem. At 3:45 pm we were at another open house two blocks away, which was completely fixer and there were a lot of people there.
This matters even more now, given what the industry is going through. The NAR price-fixing lawsuit and subsequent settlement forced a long-overdue national discussion about what real estate agents actually provide in exchange for their commissions.
For years, the standard commission structure was defended on the grounds that agents provide expertise, access, and service. Buyers and sellers are now asking these questions more directly than ever. When an agent behaves like Nancy, she’s not just rude. She’s actively making the case that her commission is worth it Inappropriate.
Who buys a home when the listing agent makes you feel like crap? nobody.
Because of that conversation. It’s not fair to give any square footage or updated finishes to someone who talks to my family like this. And I guess I’m not the only person who walked out of that open house feeling the same way.
For home sellers: what you need to know
If I were the seller of this home, I would be surprised, unless I personally instructed my agent to exclude certain types of people. If every buyer who walks out of an open house feels dismissed, insulted or unwanted, I can forget about getting an offer. That is expensive.
In a market where perception drives price, and where a home already priced above crazy territory needs every advantage, an agent with a bad attitude is not a neutral presence. She is actively working against the financial interest of the seller.
For anyone preparing to sell a home, especially in a high-value market like San Francisco where your property may be the largest asset you will ever own, I urge you to do the same before signing the listing agreement.
Things to do before hiring a real estate agent
First, examine the agent’s track record in detail, not just the volume of sales but also the quality of the results. Did the home sell at or above the asking price? How long did they sit in the market? Were prices cut? An agent may have a long career and a full roster of past sales, while salespeople are consistently underperforming. Sales volume tells you how busy someone is. The descriptions tell you how good they are.
Second, ask for references and then build on them. Don’t just accept names that the agent chooses himself. Independently look at recent transactions through public records or listing history on Redfin or Zillow and reach out to at least three sellers the agent has worked with in the last year or two.
Ask them directly: How did you go to the open house? Are you always present, or do you pass the buck to someone else? Did shoppers seem engaged and welcome? Did the agent communicate with you consistently throughout the process? Were there any surprises? You’ll learn far more from those conversations than any marketing deck or agent bio.
Third, visit one of the agent’s active open houses in person before you hire him. Go unannounced. See how they treat people walking through the door. Are they engaged, knowledgeable and warm? Or are they watching the clock and treating visitors uncomfortably? What you see at that open house is what your buyers will experience. This is a direct preview of the service your listing will receive.
Fourth, understand what you are paying for and hold the agent to a standard that justifies it. The listing commission on a San Francisco home priced at nearly four million dollars is no small sum. This is money that can finance a child’s education, pay off debt, or change a family’s financial dynamic. The person receiving that commission must approach every showing, every open house, and every conversation with a buyer as if their professional life depends on it. Because in a meaningful sense, it does.
What I told my kids on the drive home
The way you treat people, especially those who you feel have less power or status than you, is a direct reflection of your character. Learn to treat everyone with kindness, no matter what they look like or who they are. It is not easy, because we all have our own biases, but we must try.
In my culture, we believe that the greater your good fortune, the more humble you should be. Success is not a license to look down on others. It is your responsibility to be kinder, more generous and more conscious of your conduct. A hot real estate market doesn’t make anyone important. Markets change. No reputation.
I also told my kids that what they saw today was a professional failure at their job in real time. He had one job: to get people to buy that house. He did the opposite. Whatever he earned as commission on the previous sale, he provided a negative value that day. Pretending is not enough. How you look is everything.
Real estate agents reading this, please listen to this. Don’t inconvenience families hanging out at your open houses on weekend afternoons. They are your customers, your future referrals, and sometimes the exact buyers your salespeople desperately need. Treat them accordingly.
Don’t judge people based on how they look, especially if they are polite and have done nothing wrong. Some of the most plain looking people can also be the most resourceful.
The market will not always be so forgiving of poor service. And even when that happens, there’s no excuse for making a potential customer, let alone a child, feel unwelcome.
Professionalism is not complicated. You welcome people. You let them wait until closing time, maybe even a few minutes later. That is the floor, not the ceiling.
We could not even find the floor in the open house that day.
Readers, have you ever encountered an arrogant real estate listing agent? What happened, and why do you think they behave this way when their entire job is to welcome potential buyers and sell properties? Given that it’s a fast market, have you seen an increase in egos and attitudes?
Appendix: That day, I emailed the main listing agent, who was not there, to let him know what had happened, and he forwarded my response to the showing agent. After I finished this post, she emailed me on Monday afternoon to apologize, explaining that she was distracted by some personal matters. He even offered to meet me at my home and represent me if I didn’t already have an agent. I refused. I thanked him for his apology and removed his name and open house address from the post. everyone has a bad day Once upon a time.
Invest passively in real estate
It’s easier to invest in physical real estate when you’re young. But as you get older, your tolerance for arrogant listing agents, bidding wars, and remodeling headaches decreases. At some point, you start preferring to let the professionals handle it.
raise fund Making it possible for anyone with as little as $10 to invest in a diversified portfolio of private real estate. As I was walking out of an open house today, Fundrise investors were quietly earning returns on institutional-quality real estate deals they never had to see, negotiate, or manage.
Today reminded me that the traditional path to real estate wealth comes with friction that I no longer want. Overpriced concierge services are included.
As always, investing involves risk and past performance is not a guarantee of future results. Fundrise is a longtime sponsor of Financial Samurai, and Fundrise is an investor in Fundrise products.