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When you’re potentially the world’s first trillionaire, you don’t get bogged down in details like not being able to afford a trip to Mars or even gas prices at home on Earth. Perhaps that’s why Elon Musk is now teasing that he’s launching a new Tesla model that’s gas-fueled, claiming it’s not so much a pivot as it is a “disruptively backward regression.”
In a bold move he is going investors Confusingly, there’s no way to escape the fact that, although this design philosophically contradicts the last 20 years of Tesla press releases, Musk unveiled this non-innovation during a super low-key livestream held at X and filmed entirely in a garage, eerily lit by a single ring light.
Rumored to be dubbed the Tesla Model G, the vehicle runs only on premium gasoline, so although its sticker price starts at $75,000, when you take into account the amount you pay at the pump, you’ll likely spend more than $100,000, not to mention the existential surcharge.
a step backward on the way forward
In true revolutionary fashion, pre-orders for the Model G open immediately, with deliveries expected between late 2026 and the eventual concept, so buckle up with anticipation. As Musk logged off the livestream without answering questions, one thing was clear: He’s not looking for input.
When Musk was asked why Tesla would introduce a gas-powered vehicle after building its brand on electrification, Musk responded, “Innovation is not a straight line. It’s a circular logic.” According to Tesla, the car achieves:
- 0-60 mph in 6.8 seconds, depending on confidence
- Up to 410 miles per tank, assuming downhill driving, optimism and light tailwind
- An engine sound, available as a premium subscription feature at a reasonable $30 per month
Features no one asked for but you’ll definitely pay for
If you like bells and whistles, these will definitely make you ask, “Why?” Still, true to Tesla form, the Model G comes with a standard set of features that may or may not be activated at the time of delivery, including:
- auto-pilot: Still doesn’t work in the school field, intersection or life.
- self-fill mode: Cars may soon be able to drive themselves to a gas station, forget why they’re there, and return home.
- Over-the-air oil change: No oil has actually been changed, but the car informs you, and you feel better.
- minimalist interior: There are no buttons, no dials and no obvious way to open the glove compartment. Everything is controlled via a 17-inch touchscreen with a menu labeled “FU”, short for “fuel utilities”.
- spare tire: Strangely, the car doesn’t include this classic accoutrement, as spare tires are considered a legacy concept by Tesla.
Pricing that defines the physics of your wallet
if you really want impress your friends At the next Tech-Bro Happy Hour, be sure to bring your receipt for both the Tesla you just bought and the amount you paid to fill it up. A fully loaded version can exceed $120,000, at which point buyers receive a complimentary email from Musk thanking them for trusting the algorithm.
Pricing for the base model G starts at $75,000, but most buyers can expect to pay significantly more once you add the essentials, like $6,000 for a door handle (or $1,500 for one if you add it on the driver’s side), or $8,500 for the currently optional steering wheel.
Overall, this is a small price to pay for making an environmental impact that is ideologically neutral at best. In fact, Tesla assures its customers that the Model G remains environmentally responsible, despite closing comments within minutes on the model’s landing page on the company’s website. Tesla firmly stands by its claim that when the car burns gasoline, it does so thoughtfully.
Final Verdict: Investors react with controlled panic
The bottom line is that thanks to this new launch, Tesla stock initially fell, rose, then fell and then plateaued as investors attempted to discern whether the announcement was real or part of a long-running joke. One analyst summed up the mood on Wall Street: “We don’t like it, but historically, betting against Elon Musk has been bad for our mental health.”
Tesla may not be abandoning its mission after all; It’s just doing it one gallon at a time.
April Fool! This article is purely satirical and was published on April 1, 2026. Elon Musk and Tesla are not releasing a gas-fueled car, and all quotes and information in this article are fictitious.
